no one gets to tell me if I've lost or if I've won

Last night, I had a dream Beka and I moved to another planet on a whim. ...this is actually not far off from the way we usually move, just on a larger scale. It was pretty awesome, and the sky was all outer-space-colorful like in Doctor Who, and there was a subplot where there were some people trying to kill us and some creepy things in the woods and (as usual in my dreams) everyone but me was useless. YES, I HAVE SUBPLOTS IN MY DREAMS. WHAT OF IT?

I also don't know what the recurring "everyone is useless but me" theme in my dreams says about my psychology, but I swear I don't feel that way when I'm conscious. Really.

In other news, I got third in writerinadrawer for last week's round, and one of the people who tied for first was trollopfop, so I don't really mind. This week, I have to write two stories before Friday - one for WIAD, and one with Eleven and Amelia because the idea would not leave me alone, and it will probably be Jossed hard on Saturday, or the week after that. :D

I really need to finish that Eleven fic first, because my trans_9 tags are piling up fast, and I can't write Ten with a different Doctor in my brain. ANNOYING.

Annnd... I'm not even going to try to catch up on my 30 Days of Who meme. I had no energy to post for the past few days, so I'm just going to keep going from where I was.

Day 05 - Your Favorite Companion
This one is both... blatantly obvious and kind of hard?

If we're talking regular, series-long companion, it would be Martha, hands-down. I'd like to put a list of my favorite things about her here, but I would go on forever - there is nothing about her I don't love. But right at the top of the list is that she is so very good at carrying on in situations that require courage and strength day after day after day (1913, 1969, the YTNW) as opposed to "we'll fix this in a few hours and be off!" Also, I said this before, earlier in the meme, but I cannot stress this enough: Martha Jones saved the world by telling stories.

I could also go on forever about how annoyed I am by how misused Martha was in her appearances on Torchwood and Doctor Who after S3, and why I wish she'd gotten another season, but this post is getting long already.

If companions that do not get a full series count, then I think River ties with Martha. She is a lot of things I love in male characters but so rarely get in female characters. She's brilliant and snarky and arrogant and unapologetically awesome, and I love her like chocolate. (OMG MORE RIVER ON SATURDAY. CANNOT WAIT.)

Honorable mention: Amy and Jack.

( The Master list )

Yeah, still can't force myself to do anything productive. I can't tell if the looming deadline of TBB is making it worse, or just... existing, totally tangential to the writingfail.

I think my brain is just stuck in input mode right now - I don't know how it got that way, and I don't know how to flip it back. There's nothing wrong with being in input mode, in theory, and except for TBB, this is not a bad time for it to happen, but... augh. I get all lost and depressed when I don't have something to show for my existence every day, and that has been more often than not lately.

I did manage to power through Torchwood in the last few days, including CoE - I've been putting off a rewatch for months and months, but now that I have watched it again? I would just like to reaffirm my love for the girls. All of them.

I'd forgotten especially how much I loved Lois, and I might have made an embarrassingly loud noise of pure GLEE when she answered "You and whose army?" with the word "Torchwood." SO. MUCH. LOVE. I'm seriously considering trying to find a place to play her. ...or Alice. Either one.

I think I'm going to curl up somewhere and just read a book until Doctor Who is up and Beka gets home. And hope I don't get attacked by any wasps in the meantime. They keep getting into the house, and I don't know how, and last night one started chasing me across the living room. I'd rather not repeat that experience.

1. I've somehow managed to slice my finger open on something. It's very shallow, and not bleeding or anything, but it does sting a lot. I'm considering putting a band-aid on it, but I know I'd just get annoyed and tear it off three minutes later. Pfah.

2. I think I finally worked out that most of Ace's nail-clipping-related issues aren't so much about the actual clipping as being held down to do it. I mean, she doesn't like the clipping either, but without pinning her down, I actually got her to lie there quietly and put her head down and let me trip her damn nails. My life would have been just a little easier if I'd learned this, say, a year ago. *Eyeroll*

3. FOX, I swear to god, you fuck this up and I will hunt down every network exec you have and set them on fire. ...after I've dealt with Kripke, that is, so it might take a while. In other words, ( yes, I am sharing my thoughts on the Torchwood news. )

...wow, that got a lot longer than I expected. Okay then! ...it's probably a mixture of pent-up annoyance and too much caffeine. I've been sleeping through all the daylight lately, so I'm going to attempt to stay up until a reasonable hour before falling into bed. That'll be fun.

I should probably also clear the tags out of my inbox while I'm at it. I keep hitting a block every time I try to deal with the Doctor or Tosh. Not that I blame them, because I did kind of pitch them into the thread going "Here, have some trauma!", but it's problematic when there's plot I'd like to dive into. Damn it, Doctor. Drink your goddamn angst tea.

This book. Is just. Oh god what.

Jon... laid his hand on Jack's arm, muscles incidentally tensing magnificently, like weasels in a sack.

Is it just me, or is that image THE FURTHEST THING FROM SEXY? How could you write a line like that and seriously think it was a good idea?

...oh, and in other news, unrelated to weasels, we got all the stuff out of the trailer and into the house. None of it is unpacked, and we need to wait until tomorrow to set up the bed, so we'll be staying another night here with Jae and Caroline, but we are free of the trailer! Yay!

I cannot wait to have the bed back. It is huge, and I will fall on it and sleep forever. Oh god yes. (Also, it smells like Jaqui. I'm if that's a good thing, or if it makes me want to cry.)

remixthedrabble is going live (Whoniverse and Jossverse fics have been posted so far), and I kind of love this challenge. I had to drop out of writing for it, because of the combination of move and Gwen's meltdown (I could have dealt with one of those, but not both in combination).

However, there are still some fantastic fics being written, including some for me. I figured I'd toss some recs at you - they're drabbles, which makes them quick reads, and I'd definitely recommend checking them out! (There are other good fics I didn't rec, and I've only read the Whoniverse fics so far, but these are my favorites.)

( Cut, because this gets long... )

And a couple remixes of my fics!
Torchwood: And You, My Love, Are Gone (The Promise Not to Promise Remix)
Original Fic: And You, My Love, Are Gone
Suzie/Tosh, during "Everything Changes". This is heartbreaking and chilling all at once. The Suzie voice is not the same as my usual, but it's completely believable, and the final image keeps making me wibble.

BtVS: Depth Perception (The Pursuit of Happiness Remix)
Original Fic: Misery and Happiness
Xander/Buffy, post-S7. The Buffy voice is awesome, and the fic brought a smile to my face, even though it's kind of sad. The little touches here are wonderful.

Guess what, internet? I wrote a fic this week! And it was not for writerinadrawer!

...I wrote a fic for WIAD too, last minute as usual, and fully expect to get drawered for it because wow, I really feel like I halfassed it this time, but... we'll see.

I also copied my fic journal over to Dreamwidth, so you can now find my fic at find_rightbrain or (shockingly) find_rightbrain! I still need to poke at some of the CSS on my DW layout, because parts of it are driving me crazy, but I don't have the energy for that now. It's readable and nice and monochrome, and that's all I care about at the moment.

Things to do tonight:
- Actually do modstuff for the Rift. I have failed so hard at it lately, and I am very, very sorry, players. (And other mods.) I still love you!
- Poke at at least one of the fics sitting unfinished in my GoogleDocs. Try to work up some writing momentum here.
- Clear those LAST FEW TAGS out of my inbox. I am ALMOST DONE.
- ...I'm probably forgetting something, but I'll focus on those things for now. Being productive is nice.

Things I need to not do tonight:
- Get distracted by Animorphs again. ...I found some ebooks on the internet. IT IS A PROBLEM.

Top five things from kawaiispinel and yetregressing. You can still ask for other top five things here, if anyone's interested. The following lists are in no particular order, so don't put too much stock in where something falls on the list. I'm too lazy to organize these things.

( Top Five Torchwood Episodes )

( Top Five Epic Fics You'd Love to Write One Day )

( Top Five Fiction Kinks )

( Top Five Favorite Moments in the Rift )

( Top Five Favorite Stories You've Written )

( Top Five Favorite Teams in Fiction )

( Five Characters You Wish You Could Write But Just Can't )

( Five Shows I'd Recommend to yetregressing )

I woke up today and couldn't breathe through my nose. Marginally better now after taking some allergy meds, but I still feel icky for some reason. I'm already bracing for today to be one of those days, but maybe the universe will prove me wrong.

writerinadrawer voting closes tomorrow. The prompt this round was hard for most of us, and it shows in the writing - it's technically okay, for the most part, but my reaction to a lot of the stories was that I just didn't care. Still, there were two or three I did enjoy in there (and I think I would have liked mine too, were it not... mine), and if you can manage to vote, that would be awesome. There's apparently a tie or two right now. The stories are here and here, and the voting post is here. Bonus points for guessing which is mine! (I don't think it'll be hard - I feel like I was particularly obvious this round.)

I also signed up for tw_bigbang, so that starletfallen and I can write the post-Children of Earth thing that has been floating around in our heads. This may be a mistake, with WIAD going on at the same time... but we'll see. Maybe the fact that we're cowriting it will help. My real concern, at the moment, is about the structure I want, and whether it really works for a Big Bang fic.

I'm in kind of a mood today. Not a "hate the world and everyone in it" mood, which is nice for a change, but... I don't know. I feel like something bad is going to happen soon, and I really don't like waiting for it. Eli's coming.

I am just about to crash, so I'm not entirely sure how coherent I am right now. However. A few things.

• beyondtherift got an Alex Drake. And she is fantastic and I am so happy about it. Sam is getting smacked in the face by karma for all the times other people had to deal with his crazy.
  
  
• Torchwood S4 just got confirmed. I am so pleased right now. And okay, more than a little smug. I think this is what victory feels like. XD I believe that those who need to ask how Torchwood will go on after S3 are suffering from a lack of imagination. Also, I so need to get to work on plotting my epic post-S3 fic. I'd do it tonight, but SO TIRED. So it'll have to be tomorrow.
  
  
• I am failing at actually sleeping lately. I try to go to sleep in a timely fashion, but then I just lie in bed stressing out about nothing in particular. It sucks. If I don't fall asleep in an hour tonight, I'm so getting up again. If I'm going to be awake, exhausted and annoyed, I'm at least going to be productive about it.
  
  
• Beka may or may not have adopted a stray black kitty the other day. We were thinking about getting a kitten anyway, and while this kitty is decidedly older than a kitten, he is still tineh. And cuddly and adorable. His name is Wednesday Michaelcat... Rodrigo... Atreyu... I don't even know. XD Beka had everyone in chat give him a name, so it is long and epic. Just call him Michaelcat, it's better for everyone's sanity.
  
  
• writerinadrawer is still open for voting until 5 PM CDT! If you haven't yet voted and have some time to do so, you definitely should. There are some pretty awesome fics in there (by no means all of them, but the good ones are so worth reading the others). The fic posts are here and here, and the voting post is here. Bonus game: see if you can guess which fic is mine! ...mostly because it amuses me to see if you guys can. (Beka, you don't count at all.)

I've been up for the past... at least 36 hours, at this point. There was a two-hour nap in there, but I had a mug of coffee and was no longer tired at all. And still haven't crashed, though I may be edging that direction. ...I'm considering seeing what another mug of coffee does. I deny the need for sleep.

I survived the first round of writerinadrawer - not in the top three, but I got some really nice feedback, and even the negative feedback had more to do with the pairing and premise than anything in the writing. Awesome. Still don't have the actual voting feedback yet, so I can't tell you how many votes I got up or down, but I'm still pleased (and looking forward to my feedback).

The drabble is posted here on my fic journal, if anyone is interested (warning: spoilers for Children of Earth). Now I have to get to work on round 3.02. By which I mean, find an idea for round 3.02. Blargh.

Those parts of today that weren't spent spazzing over WIAD were mostly spent RPing a thread that turned unexpectedly epic, in which the Doctor can't stay out of his friend's heads even though he knows better, and Ruvin almost unwrites reality, and then the Doctor and the Vesmier have a scene of break... in which the Doctor is accidentally a ferret. Yeah. Seriously. I love my game.

It's been a long time since I played a thread like this that wasn't plotted out in advance. It's wonderfully cathartic, and I actually feel much better than I did before... even if the Doctor did make me cry.