no one gets to tell me if I've lost or if I've won

I keep meaning to post about something, just to let everyone know I'm not dead or anything, and... keep getting sidetracked and forget about it for another week.

But anyway. Um. Not dead. Which, in some ways, is quite the accomplishment. I am just going to sum up things in a nice friendly list, because that is what happens when you don't post for months. Lists and summaries become necessary.

• I survived New York. This was about a month ago, but I just realized I never told anyone that, so... there you go. It would figure that the day I got over the PAIN EVERYWHERE and the general exhaustion and started to decide I never wanted to leave the City again... was the day I had to leave, but there you go. And the plane ride back was HELLISH, but I survived that too.
  
  
• POSSIBLY MORE IMPORTANT, I survived my birthday (which was about a week ago). Most of this was because I refused to speak of or acknowledge it on the actual date - I have a birthday curse to rival Buffy's, and it has led to nothing but disaster in the few years before this.
  When I had a brief moment of insanity this year and tempted fate with a half an hour until midnight (and, therefore, the end of my birthday) by asking "What bad thing could happen at this point?" My girlfriend's computer crashed, the second the words were out of my mouth. But I think that was more of a warning from the universe not to mock the curse than an actual manifestation of the curse, and I have learned my lesson.
  
  
• Writing! I am actually doing it! Every day recently (except for last night, because I woke up late and was then derailed from productivity by RAEG). ...if you have any idea what the last year has been like for me, creatively speaking, this is a big deal.
  
  
• I am going to be disappearing from the internet for the first week of November for writing purposes. If anyone needs me superurgently, I'll still be checking email about once a day, but most things are going to be ignored until I come back.
  I haven't decided yet if I'm going to do fake!NaNo (which is not so much fake NaNo as a NaNo in which I just work on a project I already started... so slight cheating, but no one actually cares) this year, but the plan is to finish the first On a Saturday book. I actually think I have less than 50,000 words to go on that one, so that's encouraging. I'm going to attempt to have at least a vague outline for the next book on hand, just in case, but god only knows how that's going to turn out, since it has fairies. And fairies just... confuse me.
  
  
• Thinking about doing Yuletide this year. Thinking very seriously about it. I nominated some fandoms I really want fic from, just in case, but I haven't come to a decision yet. I have never done it before and it is huge and intimidating! But so shiny!
  
  
• I am never going to get to sleep today. I keep trying, and things keep happening to prevent that (and Simba keeps trying to sing me soothing lullabies, except it sounds more like a very quiet - but still loud enough to keep me awake - chainsaw). ...I guess the many cups of coffee I've had haven't helped that, but I ONLY HAD THE LAST TWO AFTER IT BECAME APPARENT THAT SLEEP WAS GOING TO BE IMPOSSIBLE.
  Nrghfl. Being awake this time of day feels wrong.

I am still alive, in case anyone wondered, and now (as of yesterday) legally able to buy alcohol. Hooray!

We may have a place to live some time next week - it is not ideal, as it's kind of small, still has the problem where I can't go anywhere Beka doesn't drive me, and has no bathtub, just a shower, but it's only temporary. We're planning to find a better place in spring or summer, whenever some of the students clear out and give us a few more options. (Besides the lack of bathtub, which is disappointing because I tend to take baths when I am just too cold to warm up any other way, it isn't a half-bad place to stay for winter, because there's room for Ace to run around in the snow. Ace. Loves. Snow. It's adorable.)

All of this is assuming the landlord was not serious about the part of the lease where it says the cats need to be declawed. He probably isn't, as he didn't write it himself, and he didn't mention it when we talked to him, but if he actually was serious about it, the answer is FUCK NO and we're back to square one. Mrrph.

Something in my shoulder has knotted up horribly and will not let go. I still have some of the painkillers from my ear infection, so I've been using those when it gets horrible - it doesn't so much stop the pain as stop me caring quite so much about the pain, but it's the best I can do. When I run out of that... I dunno. I'll probably see how well vodka works as a muscle relaxant in this case.

I need to start putting together stuff for NaNo. I'm not doing a proper novel this year, just working on projects that need to be finished up, but I am still going to try to hit 50,000 words in the month. My username over there is the same as here, allfireburns, so if you'd like to add me as a writing buddy over there, go for it! (Of course, putting together stuff for NaNo will probably have to wait until I get the stuff off my hard drive back from Best Buy. ARGH. I am kicking myself for not backing up that plot outline elsewhere, but I was not planning on Gwen freaking out so badly less than a year after I got her.)

EDIT: Ohfuck. And then I go and glance at a former friend's journal, something I should never do, because she wished me happy birthday even though we haven't spoken in more than a year and now I am going to cry.

*Sigh* I am having the biggest problems with focus today. I should be caught up, but I just... can't sit down and write. Granted, all the Rift activity in the past couple days more than makes up for any trouble writing, but... still. (You guys. I'm not sure you realize, but the Rift is my biggest fandom these days. It's awesome, because every day I get to go "YAY NEW CANON!" ...Except not so much lately, because it's been on NaNo hiatus. So it's EXTRA YAY for new canon!)

But yeah. You can tell that my failure at writing is bad when I'm going "You know, I don't feel like writing for NaNo now. How about I write the last chapter of TBYAT?" THAT is the story I'm supposed to be stalling on! That's the story I'm always putting off! When that is the story I want to run away and hide in... I need help.

Or lots of coffee. I have that, so we'll see how that goes.

But yes. I'm looking forward to the end of NaNo now, because it means I get to finish TBYAT. I'm also looking forward to it because it means I get to plot the series with EPIC ANGELIC ROADTRIP. There is nothing not cool about badass angels (alright, one of them isn't so badass) and an epic roadtrip where they KILL THINGS.

...I'm so easy to please sometimes.

Evie and Val and I went to Saundra and Roger's with the puppy last night for drinking and horror movies. There was actually only one movie that we paid absolutely no attention to, but that's not the point. It was fun, even if it did my word count no good at all. ^^

And now I'm a day behind on my word count (more or less), and flailing about that, and cramping, and kind of out of it, but there was peppermint coffee earlier today, and Evie is making brownies, so these things help a lot. I do need more painkillers, though.

Things I need to do (theoretically after catching up on NaNo):
- Draw maps for said NaNo. Riley's house, Jo's house, and the DMA office, mostly. ...A map of Kilgate would be nice too.
- Title the individual books in the DMA trilogy. Or at least the first one. HOW HARD IS IT TO FIND A TITLE?
- Write something for who_topia
- Read other people's NaNos. Guys, I don't suddenly hate you, I just really can't read things until I'm kind of on schedule, but I am so looking forward to catching up.
- EPIC STRIP CLUB BATTLE IN THE RIFT. ...As soon as I can make puppy eyes at Ael. This will probably actually happen whether I get caught up or not.
- ...I'm sure there's something else, but I'll remember it later.

I am not allowed to stall on writing by making icons for Buffy (who got a paid account and extra iconspace from some wonderful anonymous person). Or for Tosh (who needs icons from season two because she looks too ickle in her S1 icons). Or for the Doctor (who I tend to make icons for just because). Just... no. Writing is happening. Yes.

...Upstairs neighbors, why are you so loud? Why can there not be one hour of the day when you are not sharing your music with the entire building, or having sex in rollerblades against the wall, or bowling with elephants or whatever the HELL you do to make those noises? ladkfja;lkjfaFUCKYOU.

...I'm not moodswingy at all today.

I was considering going to sleep. Considering I only sort of half-slept for three hours yesterday morning and napped for an hour earlier today and that's been it for the past day or... so...

But then I broke 10k in my NaNo and there was eggnog and the third season of The West Wing, and all of these things are clearly superior to sleep.

...Also, this is what happens when I don't allow myself in chat all day. I post a lot. I'm sorry.

Note to self: Your "On a Saturday" playlist is not allowed to turn into the Epic Love Story of River and Lindsay. It is just not. Stop it.

Also, write something. Seriously. Now.

...Yeah, this is pretty much what I've been doing all day. That or sleeping.

I keep fluctuating between exhausted and wide awake, and barely being able to look at my NaNo without wanting to throw it across the room and being madly in love with it. It's... really frustrating and I don't know why it's happening, but it can stop any time now.

But hey, I'm a day ahead and then some, so I think I can allow myself a little time to set the novel aside and poke at other things. I've already cleared (almost) all the tags in my inbox, and the ones I haven't, I have no brain for at the moment. So now it's either posting Sam into Milliways, or writing some fanfic.

Given that posting Sam would require putting on Life on Mars so that I can get into proper Samvoice (and remember various plot details), and I'm really enjoying rewatching season two of Doctor Who right now, I think I'm going to go look at some prompt community and write something with the Doctor. Yes, I am taking a break from writing by... writing. What of it?

So Evie and I might actually have a car soon. This is awesome! Not only in that we can, you know, get groceries and stuff, but soon we will be able to move. Road trip ZOMGYAY! I'm less enthused about a road trip in winter, as... Midwest... winter... not exactly a combination conducive to driving and I really don't fancy the idea of dying in a blizzard somewhere, but... still. And there will hopefully be visiting a few people who are (kind of sort of) on the way, so that is fantastic.

About the Doctor Who news, ( cut because it seems polite... )

I've been poking at my NaNo the past few days, and I'm so ready for it to be November. Not every bit of the plot is hammered out, but I expect it'll fall into place when I need it to (it usually does, during NaNo), so come on, let's do this already! ...Yes, I'm upset with the world for not revolving faster. Or something.

Again, if you want to watch it, I'm going to be posting it over at onasaturday. Which right now just has a bunch of character profiles and worldbuilding information, but thaaat's not the point at all. Join the comm if you'd like to read my NaNo (it has zombies!) - it's moderated membership, but if you're on my flist, I'll let you in.

Here, have a meme from newredshoes. Reply to this post, and I will tell you my favorite icon of yours. Then post this to your own journal using your own favorite icon.

My sleep schedule is so ridiculously fucked up. I am not pleased with it. It is, in fact, so ridiculously fucked up that I went to bed at 10 PM last night, woke up at... 2 AM? 4 AM? Something like that? And then fell asleep again an hour or an hour and a half later and slept until noon. WTF, why?

Grah. I need caffeine right now. Lots and lots of caffeine. I just really don't want to go to the trouble of working the coffeemaker. *Grumble*

Val is coming down next weekend, on the train! Yay, I can has a Val! I am going to have to clean the house before she gets here. And flail at Evie over taking out trash and things. Not so much because Val will care as because I'm neurotic.

And I swear, if the upstairs neighbors don't stop stomping around, I will go up there and kill them with my shoes. WITH MY SHOES. My head hurts enough as it is without them adding to it.

Here, have a meme! Courtesy of settiai...
Companion Me!
Which companion (or Doctor Who character that might not be a proper companion) do I remind you of? Why?

I apologize to those of you on my flist who don't give a crap about Doctor Who. Here's another one, because it amuses me terribly:
OTP Me!
Ship me with someone - any fandom at all. Explanations as to why would be highly appreciated.

I'm gonna go... try and write now... I need to poke at various On a Saturday characters so they'll actually be around for my NaNo. (Instead, I'm writing some angels who have nothing at all to do with what I'm planning for NaNo... It happens.)