no one gets to tell me if I've lost or if I've won

1. I still live. I changed my layout. I need to get a lot better at this updating thing.

2. I went to bed with a vaguely annoying headache. I was woken up many hours later by that same headache, many, many, many times more painful now. I took some of the 800mg ibuprofen ordinarygirl got for her ankle, am slowly downing coffee every time I think it won't make me throw up, and I'm curled up in bed wearing my Georgia Mason sunglasses* and hating the world.

My cat keeps trying to make me feel better, and I just want to cry, because HIS PURRING IS SO LOUD, OH GOD MAKE IT STOP.

3. Good news (that I keep doublechecking every now and then because I am half-convinced and completely terrified it is some kind of cruel lie): FRINGE GOT RENEWED FOR S4. FOR A FULL 22 EPISODES.

...ow, even typing in caps is making my head hurt somehow. But never mind that, because my show OMG.

I'm afraid to watch shows while they're still on the air because my love kills them. I am Toshiko Sato for network TV. I almost cried when Fringe got moved to the Friday night death slot because surely this was all my fault, and I've been bracing myself for horrible news for months now, but somehow FOX made the right decision and it survived. THERE ARE NOT WORDS FOR HOW HAPPY I AM RIGHT NOW.

...ow.

*For those of you who have never read Feed, shame on you Georgia Mason wears sunglasses all the time because she has the zombie virus in her eyes. And that is how I feel right now. Like there are zombies in my eyes. And possibly my brain.

...it's not as fun as it sounds.

In the past, I have managed to cut my fingers on the wall, the shower, Changes (the Dresden Files book, which, to be fair, I always knew was out to get me), and possibly thin air.

So what in the world made me think I could clean up broken glass without slicing my fingers open?

It hurts, and we have nothing even resembling a bandaid, and there is probably still broken glass over there, but if I have to bend over any more right now, I think I might actually pass out.

The cats should be very, very glad that cleaning up after them takes up all the energy I would otherwise use to strangle them. That's all I'm saying.

Finished my writerinadrawer. I kind of want to set it on fire. But voting opens in about three hours, so if you have nothing better to do and like/know Torchwood, you should go read and vote then! There's bound to be a better fic than mine there! (...god, I hope so, or this week will be very depressing. I'm kind of hoping people default so I can last until next week, and hopefully do better then.)

...I might be feeling slightly better about my fic specifically and life in general if today weren't so godawful on the pain front. This is not just my usual low-level everything-aches kind of pain. This is dull knives being shoved into random places on my body for no good reason kind of pain, and the painkillers DO NOTHING.

I'm going to have a drink and go to bed. That's really the only thing to do in these circumstances, and THIS, BY THE WAY, IS WHY I NEVER GET ANYTHING DONE. My fucking body is sabotaging me.

Mrrph. Goodnight, internet. Yes, at 3 PM. It can be night if I say it is.


Side note to self before bed, for later reference: When ordinarygirl starts making disapproving Donna faces at you, there is usually a good reason. Maybe we should listen?

One of the cats broke a glass in the sink the other day, and I cut my finger on it while I was doing dishes. It hurts. Especially since I tend to snap my fingers to get the animals' attention when they're misbehaving, and the cut's on that finger, and I keep forgetting that. Mrrph.

Also, we have no AC in the house and it's fucking hot in here. Why did the sun have to come out? I preferred it raining all day...

I have totally failed at writing for this entire month, and I hate it. I am still trying to get back on track for TARDIS Big Bang, but I keep staring at it and wanting to cry. I wish my brain were more cooperative when I need it to be - maybe deadline panic will kick in soon and I'll miraculously pull it off anyway. It doesn't seem very likely, but still possible. Ish.

...yes, my life is incredibly boring and I really have nothing of interest to report. However, a few people asked to know where I'd be playing when I found places for my kids, and I've got three of them in games at the moment.
- The Doctor will be in trans_9 at the next podpop (June 1).
- Jack Harkness will be in hometrail when the game opens, on May 20.
- River Song is at paperkey, and has been for a few months now.

I'm not plotting to drag anyone out of games they're already in or anything, but if any of you have time for a new game, I would love to have friends at any of those games. Especially Paperkey, which has an awesome premise and we have been promised a plot as soon as there are a few more characters and I very much do not want it to die. ♥?

...I'm gonna go have coffee and remind myself that I am, in fact, a writer. Wish me luck.

Remind me to never get sick and sleep for two days ever again. Augh, there are so many things I need to do/catch up on now. I wasn't even that sick, I don't think, for some reason it just made me fall over for two whole days, or near enough. I do not approve.

However, before the plague knocked me out, I recorded a podfic for chicafrom3's The Nature of Belief, which is up here at the audiofic archive.

Chica seems quite pleased with it, so I'm very happy. Despite the lisp I didn't realize I had until recently. ^^ I've never recorded a podfic before this, but I think years of those damn mortifying mandatory readings for CW classes trained me well enough. Podficcing is kind of fun. In the same "OH GOD I WANT TO BURN MY COMPUTER" kind of way as vidding, except that Audacity doesn't randomly eat a day's work the way WMM will sometimes decide to. :D

And I have been bouncing about Doctor Who being awesome since Saturday. I've also been keeping a mental list of the ways Moffat could force me to retcon the River I've been RPing. I mean, I haven't had many threads with her yet, so it could be a lot worse (like that time I had to retcon everything I ever said about Tosh's history), but still. It's scary.

...there are, however, some theories that are so stupid I refuse to put them on the list. Just... no. Oh, fandom, never stop bringing the WTF.

The plan for today:
- Make coffee (this is necessary for all the other things on the list)
- Work on my TBB fic. I found a cheerleader! She is awesome! (So is her story, which is better than mine, but that's okay, because I get to read it before anyone else.)
- Do RP stuff (There is a lot of it. Honestly, you leave the internet alone for a couple days...)
- Maybe finish that ramble on Ten's characterization. Because it is TAUNTING ME at this point.
- Possibly find something else to podfic. BECAUSE I CAN.
- Glare at the snow outside until it STOPS. I am from Southern California. I am in no way prepared for this shit in April.

I really don't feel well. All nauseous and dizzy, and I thought it was just that I needed food, because I usually forget to eat until hunger starts making me feel like shit, but eating something just made it worse. And I can't sleep, because I want to reset my sleep schedule to something that doesn't mean I pass out at 9 AM (and I need to force myself into productivity), so it's apparently going to be a very long day. Especially since I can't have coffee unless the nausea goes away. Mrrph.

Things I need to do today:
- Write stuff for TARDIS Big Bang
- Write anything else
- Poke at the tags in my inbox
- Do modstuff if I can deal with staring at tables for an hour
- Possibly make a post

Things I want to do today:
- Keep writing that thing where I ramble about the Tenth Doctor's characterization
- Make a post with the one character who's not free to be posted right now

Yeeeaaah, I am awesome at this productivity thing.

...while I'm making a post, though, I have a question for anyone who's better at this stuff than I am.

The Rift cast list, as you all know, is awesome. However, every time I add or remove a character, I have to go and rearrange every single row to accommodate it, and the whole process is something that generally makes me want to kill everything. Especially with the wanderer table, because it's fucking huge. Whiiich is why it sometimes takes so long to update the cast list, and leaves me a lot less time for other mod things. So... uh... does anyone know a way I'd be able to add or remove characters and have the tables just sort themselves out? Maybe? <3?

1. Michaelcat is wrestling with a shoe. I think the shoe is winning.

2. I HAVE FOUND THE MOST WONDERFUL THING EVER. I have my big laptop set up on the table just behind my netbook, and I can play with them both using the keyboard and mouse from my netbook. I've been bouncing the cursor back and forth between the screens just because I can, and it is so cool. And I'm not going to lie, it makes me feel kind of badass working on two computers at once. Like Tosh, but without the super cool desk setup.

Now, hopefully, I can use this to be slightly more productive, instead of... using it to find new ways of procrastinating.

3. That productivity thing has not been going well, by the way. Part of it is that I'm very low-level sick right now - not enough that the sick is bothering me in itself, but it's making me feel very... off and just not myself. And it makes it very hard to write. And I've been trying to do tags, but all my character voices feel off. Bah. I think I'm getting over it, though? A little? Sorta?

4. I really need to get started on tardis_bigbang. Re...started. I mean, I already have 5000 words, but my concern is really less the word count and more that the story gets finished. I need to find the kind of motivation I get at the very beginning of November, because that would power me through the whole thing with no problem.

But first, catching up on original writing. I WILL BE VICTORIOUS.

5. Curry powder is not cinnamon, and I am so very glad I remembered this before I put the incorrect spice in my coffee.

6. Sometimes it is very worthwhile to just stand outside for a while and be snowed on. I don't know why, but it made me feel much better about life.

ETA: 7. I need to learn that I should not listen to Aim for the Head until the sun is up. Because EVERY TIME I listen to it when it's dark and I'm alone, I start getting paranoid about the zombie apocalypse outside my door. WAY TO GO, SELF.

...it probably doesn't help that I've watched Shaun of the Dead four times in the past week. And 28 Days Later twice. And Slither once. Shut up.

1. Today is incredibly gray and rainy. This actually makes me incredibly happy, except for the vague concern that Beka will crash and die on her way to work (but I have that when it snows, and when it's icy, and when it's dark, and a lot of other times, so that's not really unique to rain). Also the fact that our driveway is now a horrific mudslide waiting to happen (or... maybe I'm paranoid because I grew up in Southern California and that is not so much a concern here). BUT ASIDE FROM THOSE THINGS, the rain is lovely and makes me happy, though it was nicer when it was coming down heavier and I could have music on and hear it at the same time.

2. I HAVE A NEW PLAN FOR PRODUCTIVITY. And that plan is that I should really reconquer my desk from the cats - I haven't been using it much, because none of the outlets on that side of the house work, which is dumb and one of the many reasons I'd like to set my landlord on fire, but... anyway. The cats have claimed it as theirs in my absence and tend to get all stroppy when I try to use it. Well. Simba gets stroppy, and then sits there by my wrist and glowers. Michael just wants on my lap so he can drool on me.

Once conquest of the desk is accomplished, I will do tags on Gwen (my internet computer) for as long as her battery lasts over here. And then I get to plug her back in, bring Sarah Jane (the netbook, which is for writing) over to the desk, and write things until her battery runs out. And then... repeat the process. That may be unnecessarily complicated, but I don't care. I WILL BE VICTORIOUS.

...though productivity is a lot easier when just sitting upright doesn't make me feel exhausted. There's really not a lot I can do about that.

3. ...I really kind of miss my icons on this account. I didn't really realize it until yesterday, when I was writing a lot at comment_fic, but... I have no more angsty Doctor icons left! Or Doctor/Martha! THIS IS A TRAGEDY. (...I am okay with only having one Supernatural icon left. Because it's Jo, and she's awesome.)

Ugh. I slept for twelve fucking hours yesterday, woke up after almost everyone had gone to bed already (or just as they were going to bed), and feel way more exhausted for it than when I only sleep four or five hours. And on top of that, my neck and shoulders and upper arms hurt like hell, my whole body's in a state of vaguely achy, and I feel like crying.

It is frickin' impossible to be productive when I hurt this much, and when I'm not productive, I hate everything and want to kick myself, and it's a neverending cycle of suck. *Grumblemutter* Also, we've got about a week and a half until we move, and still have not started packing. That needs to start soon, because I am not doing the last-minute packing thing again. It will kill me.

So if anyone was wondering how I'm doing... yeah. That's about the shape of it. I hate the world. (Except you, dear flist. I still love you.)

Other things I do not hate (which I must remind myself of so I don't start lighting things on fire) include:
- Pumpkin spice frapuccinos from Starbucks and caramel apple ice blendeds from Coffee Bean. This is the best time of the year for vaguely coffee-like drinks. Jaqui's Ianto may make horrified faces at me over Starbucks, but I don't care. The pumpkin spice things make me happy.
- beyondtherift, as always. We are so close to finishing this plot that's been going on for ages, you guys. So close. And then PLAGUES. No one does epic like the Rift. We're badass, you guys.
- Supernatural this season. Last season (which I just finished watching, like, two weeks ago) pissed me the hell off, and I wanted to cling to my grudge for just a little longer, but... certain things in the most recent episode meant I had to watch at least the first two episodes of this season. And OH MY GOD. The show earned all my love back with this most recent episode. ALL OF IT. Definitely a favorite. ...they will probably fuck it up again by the end of this season, but right now, I am in love.
- daemonprompts. Daemonfic is AWESOME, guys! Go write some! There aren't any activity requirements or anything. Just awesome fic. *Plans to write something as soon as her brain is back*
- On a Saturday. I'm only working on it in fits and spurts because getting my brain to focus on anything for too long is a trial and a half, but it is still awesome and so much fun. *Needs to get back to writing/editing the first draft*