no one gets to tell me if I've lost or if I've won

Jaqui and Beka left for Texas last night. Beka will be back in a few days, and I'm packing up the house as much as I can before she gets back. "As much as I can" means, you know, I get through about a half hour of shoving notebooks into a box or random stuff into a trashbag before I'm in too much pain to keep up. And then I have to be still for about an hour. It is not the most efficient means of packing, but it's all I've got.

I'm stalling on packing up the books, because I'm still trying to decide which ones I want out to read in the car, and trying to find a bag to shove those in, before I put the rest in boxes. ...I need a new bag. A messenger bag. With more pockets than the one I have. ...Anyway. This is all much more complicated than you might think.

And in the meantime, I'm watching through Studio 60. The whole thing. The last half of it kind of makes me want to cry, but that's... not really stopping me. Though I'm almost done now, and then I'll have to find something new to put on TV and make me cry. :D (Although holy crap, Sorkin, did you seriously shove one night into the last FIVE EPISODES? Seriously? Did you just run out of story arcs that wouldn't need a second season or something?)

I swear I'll feel much better once the car's all packed up and we're on the road. It's just right now I'm having to resist the urge to throw things at the walls. Not that I think that would make me feel better, but I'm sure it would be momentarily satisfying.

Someone tell me something happy. Anything at all. I'm going to go try to write something. And then probably get annoyed at myself and go back to packing until I injure myself. Fun!

I was up all night writing my writerinadrawer fic. I meant to do it last night, but then I made the mistake of going down to Jaqui's for cuddles. I thought I'd only be down there for a few minutes, which turned somehow into four hours. Pretty impressive, actually. And by the time I realized it, it was afternoon and I sort of collapsed into bed against my will.

My fic is done now, and... I'm not thrilled about it, but I'm pretty sure it doesn't need to be set on fire or anything? So that's something. I'm trying not to spaz about it (at least until Sunday morning), I'm just... poking it with a stick and hoping it spontaneously generates a title or something.

I also managed to rewatch Children of Earth earlier, without having a meltdown. Granted, I kind of... tuned out through most of the end of Day Four (when I was done yelling at Torchwood for failing at plans, because waving your guns and making threats IS NOT a plan), but still. The only thing that actually made me cry, strangely enough was... Alice, smiling at Jack in Day 5. It's just a brief moment, toward the middle, but god, it breaks my heart. The rewatch mostly just reinforced my desire to write a ton of fic with Alice and Lois and Agent Johnson. Maybe not all at the same time.

And... here, have a meme. Since this one is actually pretty cool and I find it interesting.

Ask me my fannish Top Five [Whatevers]. Any top fives. Doesn't matter what, really! I will answer them all in a new post.

I'm writing a ficthing that's going to make me rewatch Cyberwoman if I want to actually finish it. I'm sulking over this, just a bit. I can watch and even enjoy Cyberwoman in the right mood, but... yeah. Right mood. Doesn't happen often. Maybe we could go at it with the Torchwood drinking game, but I'm not sure that would help with the actual canon review part of it, which is kind of the whole point. Anyway.

It's lovely and cool out today. Considering the last few days have been like living in some horrible hellpit, I'm ecstatic about this. The downside is that I'm cold now, any jacket I could put on is too warm, and I don't want to close the windows just yet, because for once I'm awake during the day and don't want to die from the heat! It's awesome!

I might just go downstairs, though, where it is slightly warmer. I can do that on my own, now that it's light out. Go downstairs, I mean.

The thing is, there are two sets of stairs up to our apartment. And the one that we usually use, the one that's closer to both our apartment and Jaqui's, is closed right now for construction - there's not even construction on the stairs, there's just construction near the stairs, and it's all kind of dumb, but whatever. This means we have to go around to the other stairs, on the far end of the building. These stairs are unreasonably dark underneath, even during the day. These stairs sometimes don't have a working light. The puppy refuses to go up or down these stairs without quite a bit of encouragement.

Evie and I have decided there's a troll that lives under there. This is the best explanation.

If this one person on tw100 doesn't stop reviewing every drabble anyone posts with the same two-word comment, I swear I'm going to punch them. Or go and spam their last twenty posted stories with the same comment, but they might actually take that as a compliment, so maybe not.

I slept about four or five hours last night. ...this morning. Whatever. Didn't mean to, I just went to bed at five or six AM, woke up around ten... I also walked into a door last night. In my defense, I was trying to avoid turn on any lights so I wouldn't wake Evie and Jaqui, but... the point still stands. I walked into a door.

I've been kind of... twitchy lately, just in that... every time one of my friends talks about school, I feel sick. And... you know, I don't really mind that much - I'm not trying to guilt trip anyone about it or anything - I just... I'm jealous. God, I'm jealous. I want to be in school and it's just looking like less and less of a possibility and I absolutely hate that. I feel inferior and like a complete failure, and it doesn't help that this is exactly what my mother predicted would happen before I went to school, and I hate her for saying it and I hate myself for proving her right.

Whatever. I'm just going to... stop before I have to cry or punch things.

I figured I would throw one of these up since everyone else is doing it and I already had an account on the site...

Get your own valentinr

Evie and Jaqui and I fail at a normal sleep schedule. We stayed up until the sun rose, and then went out to get pie. Pie was accomplished, though we haven't actually eaten it yet, because then there was breakfast. On the way back - the place where we got the pie was within walking distance - we met an adorable black cat. He was like Michaelcat at half-size, and ran across the street to meet me when I crouched down and called, and then followed us almost all the way home. So much cute.

And then I went to sleep. For about three hours, because yesterday we got a slip at the door saying there was a package for us at the post office - this package is, without a doubt, my new phone, which we need before we can call the moving company to get our fucking furniture. The note SPECIFICALLY SAID we could pick it up today after 9 AM. So we went to the post office. The post office which is apparently closed on Saturday. THE NOTE LIED.

So I sulked back off to bed and slept for quite a while longer, while Evie unloaded the car and went to Target to pick up some stuff. And then I woke up and Evie asked me to come upstairs to keep her company while she unpacked. I gathered up the laptop and the dog and did so, and SHE GOT ME A DESK. AN AWESOME DESK OF AWESOME. *Glees* I need cups now so I can put all my pens in them. Cups or, you know, other containery things. Whatever.

Also, magi sent Jaqui a box of baked goods, as a "YAY, YOU DIDN'T GET SHOT" present. Jaqui is sharing with me and Evie, because these are MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF BAKED GOODS we're talking about. The caramel brownies are a mouthful of AWESOME.

...There is so much capslock in this post. I apologize for that.

Mmmph. Can't sleep. No one is up, since trollopfop went and got herself a normal sleep schedule. Way to go, Aubrey's body. Way. To. Go.

...And there's a spider stalking me across the floor. Seriously, every time I'm not looking at it, it creeps a little bit closer. Ace tried to come to my rescue by... sniffing at it inquisitively, but that only chased it closer to me. I wonder if I should tell it that I am not the person who killed its father?

...Or I could lose track of it altogether.

Whatever. I'm going to try to write now, and hope baby!Spiderzilla doesn't kill me while Evie sleeps.

EDIT: Oh, hey, trollopfop is not sleeping. Yaaaay! Which is just as well, because the crazyloud neighbors chose 5 AM to start thumping on the wall. What. The hell? Then again, these are the people who have their computer speakers turned up so loud it vibrates the wall when they turn on their computer, so maybe I shouldn't ask.

So there's a love meme going around good_rpers_rock. Rift kids, you may have a little love over here. Just maybe.

Guys! Guys! trollopfop wrote me that fic that I've been wanting for ages. The one in which Sam is the Master and Gene is the Doctor. And there's even hints of Alex!Rani. *Purrs* This makes many things better. Who needs alcohol when there can be sketch? You should totally read it.

Also. Jack could totally reach the top of the police box sign, for the purposes of pulling a key out of a cubbyhole. Yes? No? Am I completely out of my mind?