You never seemed so tense, love, I've never seen you fall so hard - do you know where you are?

[allfireburns]

If this one person on tw100 doesn't stop reviewing every drabble anyone posts with the same two-word comment, I swear I'm going to punch them. Or go and spam their last twenty posted stories with the same comment, but they might actually take that as a compliment, so maybe not.

I slept about four or five hours last night. ...this morning. Whatever. Didn't mean to, I just went to bed at five or six AM, woke up around ten... I also walked into a door last night. In my defense, I was trying to avoid turn on any lights so I wouldn't wake Evie and Jaqui, but... the point still stands. I walked into a door.

I've been kind of... twitchy lately, just in that... every time one of my friends talks about school, I feel sick. And... you know, I don't really mind that much - I'm not trying to guilt trip anyone about it or anything - I just... I'm jealous. God, I'm jealous. I want to be in school and it's just looking like less and less of a possibility and I absolutely hate that. I feel inferior and like a complete failure, and it doesn't help that this is exactly what my mother predicted would happen before I went to school, and I hate her for saying it and I hate myself for proving her right.

Whatever. I'm just going to... stop before I have to cry or punch things.

I figured I would throw one of these up since everyone else is doing it and I already had an account on the site...

Get your own valentinr

Comments

[lionessvalenti.livejournal.com]

She comments on every fic that way. She never has anything else to say to anyone.

I know the feeling inferior and failure like. I don't even want to be in college. God, don't I have any ambition for anything? I'm just in limbo. You've taken the control you can over your life, you've moved on and grown. Maybe not the ways you've wanted things to work out, but life rarely works the way you want it to.

*hugs* And I love you no matter what.

[allfireburns.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I got that feeling. At some point, I just know I'm going to snap and leave a nasty comment on her journal. ...or would that be wrong?

And thanks. *Cling* I hate getting so bothered by this, because I feel ridiculous, but so many of my friends are in college, or have been to college and are actually doing things with their life and are people I really look up to, and I'm just... not.

And it does not help that my younger sister is going to my school and surviving just fine to all appearances, and it just... You know that episode of S60 with Tom's parents at the studio? Makes me cry every time. It sucks living in the shadow of your younger sibling.

[lionessvalenti.livejournal.com]

That might be considered... out of line? Not that I've ever known you to be like "Oh, these, lines. I shouldn't cross them."

If it makes you feel any better, though it probably won't cause it doesn't do much for me either, but I know more people who are like us than people who are busy with the college-making. People who dropped out of college or never went, just trying to make it. It's just easier (and harder) to see what you don't have and what you would like to have. Especially when it's in your family - that notably sucks.

You get *more hugs*.

[kawaiispinel.livejournal.com]

*cuddles* *points upward* Pretty much what she said. I'm in that same boat myself. But you are loved and appreciated and that's... Something anyway. ♥

[allfireburns.livejournal.com]

Thanks. *Snuggles*

[http://users.livejournal.com/_chibidragon_/]

Awww, walking into a door. Poor dear. *snuggles* <3 So cute though. ^^

You are not a failure at all! Not in my eyes. School does not = success. I know that it can seem that way from the way people make it out to be, but it's not. Success should be measured by your own standards. I'm trying to keep my own standards down to: am I happy? XD Cause who knows what my prospects for the future will even be. Who knows if I'll do anything at all worth singing about. There are so many aspects of your life that I envy, that I wish I had in my own and I shall now list off these aspects. You have true love, someone that you can cuddle with and sex and share your whole life with. You're an incredibly talented writer. You're so fantasticat making graphics and layouts. You're amazing. You've been across the US on an epic road trip. You've lived in NYC. You've moved out. You are stronger than you realize and brave.

It's never too late to go to school if that's what you want to do! There are degrees that you can get entirely on-line so it lets you work during the day to help pay for it, if you fill out the FAFSA I bet you'd get a nice helpful amount of money to help, and yes. *snugs* Easier said than done, I realize, but never let anything get in the way of going to school.

And fuck I have to sleep. The point is once you take that first step, it feels good, it feels like hey, I'm taking control here... I don't know how to explain it. It's a great feeling. I get it everytime that I do what I know I need to do, when I get life stuff done instead of y'know... avoiding what needs to be done even the little things like waking up earlier and getting Starbucks, cause that is a serious anxiety issue for me sometimes. Going in some place new and ordering a drink. This whole week I've had that feeling of 'hey, anxiety, you got nothin on me'. It's been the best week in a while.

I know you can do it. And if you need any help figuring anything out. I'm here for you. Always. IM me or even call me if I'm not around. I would be glad to help you figure out how you can get back in to school if that's really what you want. If it's not, that's okay, too. :) You are a success in my eyes and someone that I look up to no matter what. Which is why I always ramble at you for advice and things.

OH MY GOD. LONGEST MOST EPIC COMMENT EVER. I am so sorry for rambling. I did not mean to. God. I'm embarrassed of myself. bwah. Sleep. I will do that now.

EDIT: LONGEST, MOST EPIC COMMENT EVER THAT WAS FILLED WITH TYPOS AND HALF FINISHED SENTENCES. *falls over and dies*

[http://users.livejournal.com/_chibidragon_/]

Also, your mom was a bitch for saying that. Fuck.

[allfireburns.livejournal.com]

Yeah. The words "crash and burn" were used in my hearing. I don't even want to know what she says when I can't hear her.

[allfireburns.livejournal.com]

Thank you, love. And I don't have the coherence to respond to this properly, but... yes. Thank you. Your epic comments really do make me feel better. *Nuzzlecling*

[http://users.livejournal.com/_chibidragon_/]

I'm really just glad to help you feel better even if its just a little. That is really generally the whole point of my being rambly in an epic fashion. ^^" If I accomplished that, then it was worth it.

*snugs* <3

[yetregressing.livejournal.com]

*snuggles*

College does not a person make. I have considered (because money issues, because fuck my lack of motivation, because sometimes I'm not convinced it's worth it when I know I'll just come out with a useless degree) not going to college, which, when you're at a school like I am? Is not exactly something you want to skip around proclaiming. But I look around me at all my senior friends and I see how stressed they are, and I begin to think less and less about how cool college would be for me, and more about how there's no way I could ever get in because I won't get that writing scholarship in four years, and financial aid won't be enough and I totally freak out, more so than when I thought I wasn't going to go to high school.

There's all this pressure to go to college these days, ridiculous amounts of pressure, and it's hard to remember to take a step back and say, "Hey, sometimes that's not for everyone." Circumstances have brought you to where you are now, have made you who you are, and I like you just fine. *snuggles a lot*

[allfireburns.livejournal.com]

Thanks. It's just... stressful, because I want to be at college, I wanted to be at college and I loved it there, and then... everything just sort of fell apart in ways that were almost entirely out of my control, and I want it back.

[yetregressing.livejournal.com]

*holds*