no one gets to tell me if I've lost or if I've won

I'm at the airport. Haven't gone through security yet, because I have an outlet and a comfy chair here, and neither of those things seem to exist on the other side of security. I have an hour and change until my flight, and no one is awake on the internet to keep me entertained. And also, there are no tags in my inbox. You should all be ashamed of yourselves.

Today is one of those days I just... can't be myself out in the world. I have a lot of those when I actually have to interact with humans who aren't my people. Luckily for me, I never grew out of some things, so pretending to be someone else works just fine for me.

The Doctor is my favorite, especially when I'm travelling, for obvious reasons. I keep a sonic screwdriver in my bag as a matter of course. But being the Doctor requires a lot of energy I so don't have right now - on top of which, those trainers and airport security do not mix well. I'm just saying.

Harry Dresden is a good backup, and another one of my favorites lately - although I always end up annoyed by how short I am then. His pentacle's also in my bag right now, just in case I need something to throw at werewolves, but being Harry also requires something I can't find right now. There's this sort of bone-deep, unconscious confidence that he can handle anything the universe throws at him, and that's just not coming this morning.

So I'm Emily Prentiss today. She doesn't have that energy, or that confidence, but she's good enough at faking both that sometimes she can even fool herself. Her costume's simpler and a lot less obvious than the boys' - no trainers or talismans or trenchcoats, nothing I don't wear anyway when I'm being myself. In a lot of ways, she is me, just an extrovert where I'm the furthest thing from it, but shrugging Emily on like a coat is what it took to get me out of the house today.

I probably won't be myself for the rest of this trip, either. It's exhausting, even - sometimes especially - with my family. Pulling on someone else means I get to keep pieces of myself to myself, and I much prefer it that way.

And now that you're all thinking I'm a complete loser, and I've wasted an hour or so writing this post and screwing around on the internet, I think I'm going to head through security now. I'll do myself to let you all know I'm alive when I get to DC. &heart;

I am somewhat blah on the subject of Christmas right now. It's not a bad blah, really. It's a neutral blah. I am just not sold on the existence of Christmas this year. (I might want to experiment with Christmas lights next year. The colored kind. I honestly think that might be my problem.)

The possibly imaginary holiday did bring me wonderful things, though. Like an awesome mix-and-fic from Jae. And MORE ICONS FOR EMILY from Chris. And some books and a pentacle from Beka. (The pentacle is actually for one of my headvoices, not me, but I still love it a lot. NO POINTS FOR GUESSING WHICH HEADVOICE.) And I have three Yuletide fics sitting in the archive waiting for me to be able to read them, so that's exciting too.

SPEAKING OF WHICH. YULETIDE. I FINISHED A STORY FOR IT TO MAKE UP FOR MY FAILURE AT WRITING MY ACTUAL ASSIGNMENT.

...you guys, it is longer than anything else I have written this year (assuming we count chapters of On a Saturday seperately instead of together). I am so proud of me. I still don't know if I love the fic like kittens or want to set it on fire, but it's done and that is a wonderful thing all by itself.