Time is a dare, and I'm trying too...

[allfireburns]

Oh, fine, fine, flist, I give in.

Step One: Look at Ye Olde Character List.
Step Two: Break out your character journals and have them ask my characters questions. If they have no questions, have them... I dunno. Say a word or random phrase and I'll throw a character at them to talk about that word or phrase and they can have existential debates about paperclips if that's their kink. The point is random, pointless, stressfree CR. If you demand an explanation out of one of my characters or have legitimate questions, personally and OOC-ly, I can also deal with that.
Step Three: There is no step three.

I feel like my character list is missing things. Huh. Also, for some reason, LJ hates Barrowman. It has EATEN most of the icons that belong to my Barrowman characters. ...All two of them.

Comments

[definitivestep.livejournal.com]

I think you're exaggerating. I'll give you a high rate of injury, but near death seems a bit much.

[eelseason]

Would you like to know exactly how many centimetres can change a nonlethal bullet wound to a lethal one? I can draw charts. Not well, granted, but...

[definitivestep.livejournal.com]

No, I really wouldn't. My point is, is it really that much more often than anyone else in Torchwood is nearly killed?

[eelseason]

Hm. Let me tabulate this quickly... carry the three... ...honestly, I'm not sure if that time should count as one or several, so I'll just average the extreme values, and...

Yes. You weigh in at Owen, Tosh, and Nida, or a very conservative Nida plus Mia.

[getdamaged.livejournal.com]

[Mia] But I do it with more class, see.

[definitivestep.livejournal.com]

...Did you actually do the math, or are you just saying things now?

[eelseason]

What, you'd like a list?

[definitivestep.livejournal.com]

I'm not asking for one, but it might make you a bit more believable.

[eelseason]

Right. Well, let's see, we'll start with that car crash when you were a kid, just because that's the earliest time I'm aware of; then you got hit by a car hard enough to throw you back into 1973, then Time Dogs, shot by a Time Agent, alcohol poisoning, heat exposure, more time dogs, temporal shock, temporal shock compounded by hypothermia, Weapon attack, then it was mostly okay until a cyborg tried to delete you, a few miscellaneous encounters and scratches, the Master's cognitive inversion device, and at this point I have to get Nick on the phones for your records from Torchwood 4...

[definitivestep.livejournal.com]

Except for the car accidents, none of those count because none of those actually happened to me.

[eelseason]

Sam, trust me. Except for one large and fairly unsettling, though probably much healthier, difference, you here and you back home are pretty much identical.

[definitivestep.livejournal.com]

I've never been attacked by Time Dogs, I've never had temporal shock, I've never been attacked by a cyborg... So what would that one difference be, out of curiosity?

[eelseason]

You probably don't want to know. ...and if you do, you probably don't want me to tell you.

Did you happen to notice that within the first two hours of having met you in this universe, we got attacked by one of the most terrifying scourges of the old universe? And, granted, I don't exactly lead a life free of danger, but normally I manage a lot better than that. And you and Gwen are, to date, the only Torchwood employees who've wound up the target of an executive action, and except for contracting a plague, Gwen's otherwise been doing pretty well here.

[definitivestep.livejournal.com]

I always assumed that was more your fault than mine, considering it came from your universe. As for the assassination attempt... on that, you may have a point.

[eelseason]

Speaking of the plague, didn't you spend that getting thrown into walls by insane First Angels, or something? And then there was that thing with the hummer, and that just crosses the line from improbable to uncanny, or possibly bizarre...

[eelseason]

Oh, and speaking of things from your universe, did you ever find yourself in situations such as being backed into a corner by several men with pipes and chains, or tied up with an impromptu branding iron tied to your chest, or being menaced by insane reporters with pistols, or other such dangers one would not normally assume were dangers of an investigative job? Because if not, then I have some serious questions about how your timeline diverged from the guy back home's.

[definitivestep.livejournal.com]

...have I mentioned that it's a little disturbing when you know these things?

(As for the plague, that happened once, and she went after Tosh as well. ...I'd rather not talk about the hummer.)

[eelseason]

I think it's come up once or twice, yeah.

If it's any consolation, sooner or later you get used to it and start accidentally doing it to other people.

[definitivestep.livejournal.com]

It's not really, no.

[eelseason]

Anyway, my point is, either you find trouble, or trouble finds you. It's probably not your fault, but it does seem to be a fact of at least three universes.