He made it perfectly clear, I was a fool, probably queer...

[allfireburns]

"I don't understand why there has to be a National Coming Out Day, because no one ever feels the need to come out as straight..."

And that is exactly why there has to be.

Because the majority of the world assumes that people are straight by default.

Because straight people never do have to come out, because everyone already "knows" they are.

Because so many of my friends are forced to live with these assumptions because their family will judge them or kick them out, or because they would face discrimination at their jobs, possibly lose their jobs...

No one has to announce "Hey, I'm a member of a privileged class." Because everyone already assumes that.

We come out to set aside people's assumptions. To remind them, hey, we exist, and we deserve some place in your world view. We're you're daughters, your sons, your sisters, brothers, friends and neighbors. Fucking notice us.

Comments

[allfireburns.livejournal.com]

And what exactly are we supposed to do in the meantime? Sit here quietly with our hands folded, go along with their assumptions and wait until they decide that the queers in the corner can come and be acknowledged with the rest of them?

In an ideal world, there wouldn't have to be. But in this country, in this world? We need to come out. We need to have GLBT history month, because otherwise we don't get history, or if we do, it's one paragraph in a nice purple-shaded box in the history books next to the green-shaded boxes for black history and the beige ones for women's history, while the rest of the book is filled with white, straight men. And we have a fucking right to be proud for even coming out of half the shit we go through alive.

If we don't set ourselves apart, that doesn't fix anything. People keep assuming, and we're still marginalized - just ignored at the same time.

[enterincolor.livejournal.com]

I agree -- we need to be out there, we need to be showing people who we are now that it's neccessary. But we also have to keep the goal of integration in mind, and not be unwilling to let go of Oh You Poor Gay Person How You Have Suffered Syndrome.

It should be Oh You Poor Human, How You Have Suffered.

And it just -- needs to not be forgotten that we should be working for that. The slogans need to be changed. I cringe when I hear people saying things like "I'm gay, do you have a problem with it?" or, worse, the cliched, "We're here, we're queer, get over it" -- and I've seen that as bumper sitckers and pins. It feels like telling people they SHOULD have a problem with it.

[allfireburns.livejournal.com]

A lot of the hostility and expecting people to have a problem with it comes from the experience of people having a problem with it. It's a lot easier to go with hostility and bitterness than hoping that people will accept you and getting shot down so often.

To be honest, I am pissed. I've been pissed for years now. I'm pissed that when Evie introduces me as her girlfriend, her dad feels the need to clarify that I'm a "girl and a friend". I'm pissed that when my family tells me to say hi to Evie, they always have to clarify "my friend Evie" as if just saying her name will mean oh GOD, we're actually in a relationship. I'm pissed that whenever we so much as kiss in public, there's always some guy who treats it as some kind of spectacle for his own entertainment. Fuck that.

Yes, we ought to be working toward integration, but when it seems like we're the only ones who give a shit, while everyone else still treats you as something Other, it really makes you want to say screw it.

[enterincolor.livejournal.com]

I understand what you're saying. But I also think as long as you take that attitude, well, you might as well be saying screw it, because we'll still be "those homosexuals".

The truth is, it's going to take years. Probably, it won't happen until after we're too old to have it benefit us any. But we'll get more done if we accept that fact that if we let it upset us.

But you know what, nobody really wants to become equal anyway. Once everyone's equal, we can't have scholarships for any reasons other than pure intelligence or low income. Once everyone's equal, there won't be these nifty little laws about hiring minorities. Once everyone's equal, we can't be 'the open-minded people', even though we're NOT half the time. We can't go marching down the street for reasons that we're born with. So, I'm going to stop talking about making everyone equals, because really, it's a moot point.

(--Sorry. I shouldn't have rambled that out on your journal, because I don't believe you're one of those people. I'm just frustrated by it.)

[flytrue.livejournal.com]

Not meaning to butt in (skip to the end if you don't feel like sitting through a paper), I think you both have points and both make mistakes. On the one hand, Aubrey, your original point is pretty much spot on. Unfortunately, while there shouldn't have to be a National Coming Out Day, at the moment there does people need to notice. On the other hand, the minority acceptance issue and the fact that anger should be channelled into productive work. The anger provides energy. However, hostility is different from anger. Anger-good, necessary for change. Hostility--bad, leads to fruitless arguments. In that, Alex, you're right that we'll get more done without it. But without anger there's a lot less emotion for most people. It's easier to channel.

I'm saying this pretty much as someone who will never be integrated as part of any social scene. And Alex, you're making a small mistake: integrated equality under the law and general treatment is not the same as "everyone being equal." That's conformism, and no one wants that. The problem is, not only for homosexuals but for ethnic and religious minorities (and women too, to an extent), as well as the lower classes, is that secularly legal and economic equality is the issue at hand, not erasing feelings of differences. Differences are good. Differences are what keep life interesting. But the point is to make people understand that difference doesn't mean "to be given fewer privileges or discriminated against." The point of integration is that differences exist but that as far as legal and economic procedures are concerned, they are erased by the simple fact that we are human beings. Thankfully we can stick to the species thing. I don't want to think about what would happen if we didn't. But as it is, that definition will suffice. The fact of the matter is that there will always be people who dislike other people for their differences, and frankly no amount of preaching at them about coming together will really change that. No amount of working for integration will prevent people from just not fitting in, but that's not really what it's about. If, however, people are treated equally under the law and protected and supported equally by that law, then there is room for that acceptance to take place. Which is part of why National Coming Out Day is good. It's an issue that needs to be brought into the public domain of discussion, and it brings it to people's attention in the first place.

Also, your examples aren't really the best. Some people are better at sports and will spend more time on it--they might need that money so they don't have to take a job to pay for school. Low income is a perfect reason for scholarships. Also, research grants are available--money given for work someone wants to do. All good things, and from differences. And the "equal" that you're talking about is something that is in the legal and economic stage, and that's what those laws are for: to establish that equality. In the hypothetical, never-to-exist world where everyone believed everyone equal, the minority laws wouldn't be necessary and so shouldn't be used. It's like "How would you feel if your mother had had you aborted?" Answer: "I wouldn't. I wouldn't have been born to feel." That which doesn't exist is not an issue. Being "the open-minded people" is really just an arrogant statement that you're better than someone and totally not what striving for equality is about, so there you're right.

But actually, yes, we can march for reasons that we're born with. People born with two X and no Y chromosomes did for the right to vote. People with more melanin in their skin did for the right to vote and for protection and support of the government. And that's the point. People need to be aware that these things need to happen. And that's what the day is good for. (Also, as a very small note: the actual definition of "moot" is "open for discussion."

I'm done being preachy. But I thought I'd put my... er, money's worth in, as it's rather more than tuppence. Summary: Yes, the difference needs to be highlighted, but not in a standoffish way. I just... have a need to be clear about these things. Shutting up now.