Aubrey (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
allfireburns) wrote2010-05-24 08:59 pm
allfireburns) wrote2010-05-24 08:59 pm
And never hear these hissing voices, all the same...
I am realizing that I can't really get incredibly drunk anymore. Every time I start to get tipsy, I get really nauseous too. This is somewhat annoying. On the bright side, ordinarygirl found some awesome rum that tastes delicious when used for pina coladas (and is not absolutely vile when drinking it straight), so that's good!
Here, have a link to my thread on that id meme that's been floating around. I really can't guess at what answers I'm likely to get here. Most of my really revealing idfic are "FUCK YOU, SHE'S AWESOME" stories that never get finished, because I'm... really uncomfortably cognizant of the fact that fandom doesn't care. It doesn't bother me how revealing those stories are; it bothers me that I can write a half-assed fic about Jack I don't even like much and get twenty comments, but I write a fucking good fic about Tosh or Gwen and don't get even a quarter of that response. It's really discouraging before I even start.
I assume those feelings come from the same place that has me looking at my original stories, or fics with a bunch of OCs and going, "Wow, there are way too many girls here." But then I stop, and actually look at the cast, and realize no, about half the cast is female, which is, you know, natural. Or looking at this thing Beka and Chris and I are working on, I started thinking, "Hey, every single one of our important NPCs is female. Is this... maybe... a problem?" Except that if all the important NPCs had been male, would that question even come up? IT WOULD NOT. It's like I'm trying to anticipate people judging me for these things before I even start on them.
The more I think about this, the more I start to wonder if this is really why I've been having so much trouble writing lately. All the big (and a lot of the little) projects I've been stalling on are things I know I can't expect much response to even if the end product is fucking awesome, because twenty thousand words of smut is much more interesting, so why should I even bother? I know this thought process is stupid as fuck. Knowing it's dumb, however, doesn't make it go away.
And this disjointed ramble stopped being about id-fic long ago. In my defense, I have had quite a bit of alcohol today, even if I'm not terribly drunk. *Clears throat* Um. Carry on, then. I am going to wander off and try to write (ahahaha, I say that every day and it never works)... after I figure out why the fingers on my right hand are all kind of numb. It may have something to do with wrenching my shoulder when I wandered into the kitchen to grab a drink - don't ask how I did that, I'm just talented that way.
ordinarygirl found some awesome rum that tastes delicious when used for pina coladas (and is not absolutely vile when drinking it straight), so that's good!Here, have a link to my thread on that id meme that's been floating around. I really can't guess at what answers I'm likely to get here. Most of my really revealing idfic are "FUCK YOU, SHE'S AWESOME" stories that never get finished, because I'm... really uncomfortably cognizant of the fact that fandom doesn't care. It doesn't bother me how revealing those stories are; it bothers me that I can write a half-assed fic about Jack I don't even like much and get twenty comments, but I write a fucking good fic about Tosh or Gwen and don't get even a quarter of that response. It's really discouraging before I even start.
I assume those feelings come from the same place that has me looking at my original stories, or fics with a bunch of OCs and going, "Wow, there are way too many girls here." But then I stop, and actually look at the cast, and realize no, about half the cast is female, which is, you know, natural. Or looking at this thing Beka and Chris and I are working on, I started thinking, "Hey, every single one of our important NPCs is female. Is this... maybe... a problem?" Except that if all the important NPCs had been male, would that question even come up? IT WOULD NOT. It's like I'm trying to anticipate people judging me for these things before I even start on them.
The more I think about this, the more I start to wonder if this is really why I've been having so much trouble writing lately. All the big (and a lot of the little) projects I've been stalling on are things I know I can't expect much response to even if the end product is fucking awesome, because twenty thousand words of smut is much more interesting, so why should I even bother? I know this thought process is stupid as fuck. Knowing it's dumb, however, doesn't make it go away.
And this disjointed ramble stopped being about id-fic long ago. In my defense, I have had quite a bit of alcohol today, even if I'm not terribly drunk. *Clears throat* Um. Carry on, then. I am going to wander off and try to write (ahahaha, I say that every day and it never works)... after I figure out why the fingers on my right hand are all kind of numb. It may have something to do with wrenching my shoulder when I wandered into the kitchen to grab a drink - don't ask how I did that, I'm just talented that way.