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Note: I am sorry for posting twice in one day. Apparently I have many feelings. :|
This is not an attack. On anyone. Most of it - though not all - is actually because of people I only really know by association, not personally. This is something I need to say because otherwise, I won't be able to stop being angry, and... I would really like to stop being angry at some point.
And I don't want to discourage people from commenting if they want, but, I swear to god, if I see anyone being mean to or about anyone else in this post, I will get rid of that thread so fast it will have been erased from time. I am so not kidding about this.
Things you have a right to:
- The freedom to say whatever you want. Really, anything at all, no matter how offensive.
Things you do not have a right to:
- The expectation that no one will ever be upset by the things you say.
- The expectation that, when upset, no one will say anything about it.
- The ability to make people stop being upset because you didn't mean to upset them.
- Friends who will always agree with the things you say, no matter what.
Things that do not infringe on your rights in any way:
- Someone telling you that you have upset them or hurt them through your words or actions.
- Someone requesting that maybe you stop doing the thing that hurts them.
You don't even have to agree with the person who is upset. You don't have to apologize, or stop doing whatever it is you're doing that's bothering them. It's nice, it's sometimes the right thing to do, and it would almost certainly be appreciated, but you don't have to. Just because someone's offended, that doesn't automatically make them righteous and you a horrible person - in fact, it very rarely does, unless you have said something truly, amazingly horrific.
But the things in the above lists? Not censorship. Not even the last thing. And when you respond to someone saying "You've upset me" with "I have a legal right to say whatever I want", when you think "you have a right to be offended" means "you do, but only as long as you keep quiet about it", when you refuse to accept that "freedom of speech goes both ways" means people get to disagree with you...
What you have basically said is "I don't care who I hurt. I don't care about your feelings. And it upsets me when my actions have repercussions, so if you're going to be hurt, at least don't do it out loud." You have a right to say that too, but that won't stop people from calling you an ass.
You can be offensive and not care about it, and deal with people being offended, or you can try not to hurt people, and apologize when you do. Being offensive and "not caring about it" and then acting insulted when someone points out you're being offensive... doesn't really work.
And on another, related point, even if you think someone is being oversensitive? That doesn't make the hurt less real. And maybe poking them with sharp sticks to prove how oversensitive they are is not the correct response.
Actually, forget correct. It's not the response of a compassionate human being. It's the response of a sociopathic child and a bully. I've seen it from both sides of this thing - not from everyone, but enough that I can't stop snarling over it - and I don't care if you're just doing it because you're angry or defending a friend or trying to prove a point, it is never okay.
This is not an attack. On anyone. Most of it - though not all - is actually because of people I only really know by association, not personally. This is something I need to say because otherwise, I won't be able to stop being angry, and... I would really like to stop being angry at some point.
And I don't want to discourage people from commenting if they want, but, I swear to god, if I see anyone being mean to or about anyone else in this post, I will get rid of that thread so fast it will have been erased from time. I am so not kidding about this.
Things you have a right to:
- The freedom to say whatever you want. Really, anything at all, no matter how offensive.
Things you do not have a right to:
- The expectation that no one will ever be upset by the things you say.
- The expectation that, when upset, no one will say anything about it.
- The ability to make people stop being upset because you didn't mean to upset them.
- Friends who will always agree with the things you say, no matter what.
Things that do not infringe on your rights in any way:
- Someone telling you that you have upset them or hurt them through your words or actions.
- Someone requesting that maybe you stop doing the thing that hurts them.
You don't even have to agree with the person who is upset. You don't have to apologize, or stop doing whatever it is you're doing that's bothering them. It's nice, it's sometimes the right thing to do, and it would almost certainly be appreciated, but you don't have to. Just because someone's offended, that doesn't automatically make them righteous and you a horrible person - in fact, it very rarely does, unless you have said something truly, amazingly horrific.
But the things in the above lists? Not censorship. Not even the last thing. And when you respond to someone saying "You've upset me" with "I have a legal right to say whatever I want", when you think "you have a right to be offended" means "you do, but only as long as you keep quiet about it", when you refuse to accept that "freedom of speech goes both ways" means people get to disagree with you...
What you have basically said is "I don't care who I hurt. I don't care about your feelings. And it upsets me when my actions have repercussions, so if you're going to be hurt, at least don't do it out loud." You have a right to say that too, but that won't stop people from calling you an ass.
You can be offensive and not care about it, and deal with people being offended, or you can try not to hurt people, and apologize when you do. Being offensive and "not caring about it" and then acting insulted when someone points out you're being offensive... doesn't really work.
And on another, related point, even if you think someone is being oversensitive? That doesn't make the hurt less real. And maybe poking them with sharp sticks to prove how oversensitive they are is not the correct response.
Actually, forget correct. It's not the response of a compassionate human being. It's the response of a sociopathic child and a bully. I've seen it from both sides of this thing - not from everyone, but enough that I can't stop snarling over it - and I don't care if you're just doing it because you're angry or defending a friend or trying to prove a point, it is never okay.