allfireburns: Emily Prentiss, grinning over her shoulder. (Default)
This journal is no longer in use.

If you missed the announcement on where I am now, you are welcome to PM this journal and I will probably tell you.
allfireburns: Olivia Dunham in glasses, looking thoughtful. (questions of science and progress)
Am I abusing mod powers at [livejournal.com profile] babylonwood to create a plot just so I'd have an excuse to use these icons? Maaaaaybe. I am not even a little ashamed of this.

Astrid icons exist because [personal profile] ordinarygirl asked for them. ...and the Ella ones exist just because she's the cutest tinyperson ever.

[104] Olivia
[40] Peter
[37] Astrid
[25] Ella
[3] Olivia/Peter
[209] total

For once in my life I won't let sorrow hurt me... )
allfireburns: Olivia Dunham in glasses, looking thoughtful. (questions of science and progress)
At some point, I should stop making icons and figure out which ones I actually want to use. That... hasn't happened yet. :|

[150] Olivia
[97] Peter
[7] Olivia/Peter
[4] Fauxlivia
[259] total

'What if this is not about physics, but about people?' )
allfireburns: Apocalyptic city skyline. Text: "Oh, there was an apocalypse? We thought it was just Thursday." (thought it was just Thursday)
So I just spent the entirety of this week trying not to die of some horrible deathplague. I am almost better now, as far as I can tell, though still a tiny bit feverish, but my entire torso feels bruised from the inside out from coughing constantly, and there is so much stuff that piled up while I wasn't looking. I have a billion tags to do (and a plot to shove along, though probably not until Jae returns from Canadaland), and apps to read, and so many things I need to write, most of which I am completely lost on, and the house is covered in stuff and I am dying to clean it except I'm still wobbly on my feet so, you know, I should probably hold off on that for a while longer but it is driving me crazy. And I managed to infect Beka, and I feel really guilty even though it was totally unavoidable, and I want to keep her home and make sure she doesn't die and I can't and...

I think I have used more "ands" in this post than should be legal in the space of so few sentences. In summary:
1) I'm not dead, despite the universe's attempts to change that.
2) I am more than a little overstressed at the moment, because the world does not go away just because I'm incapable of dealing with it.
3) I need a hug. Or possibly someone to hold my hand and convince me that a) I do not have to tackle everything at once and b) I am not going to die under the weight of all the goddamn stuff I have to do.
allfireburns: Olivia Dunham in glasses, looking thoughtful. (questions of science and progress)
[108] Olivia
[121] Peter
[229] total

And love's a raven when it flies... )
allfireburns: Eleven with his hands over his mouth. (horrified glee)
1. I still live. I changed my layout. I need to get a lot better at this updating thing.

2. I went to bed with a vaguely annoying headache. I was woken up many hours later by that same headache, many, many, many times more painful now. I took some of the 800mg ibuprofen [personal profile] ordinarygirl got for her ankle, am slowly downing coffee every time I think it won't make me throw up, and I'm curled up in bed wearing my Georgia Mason sunglasses* and hating the world.

My cat keeps trying to make me feel better, and I just want to cry, because HIS PURRING IS SO LOUD, OH GOD MAKE IT STOP.

3. Good news (that I keep doublechecking every now and then because I am half-convinced and completely terrified it is some kind of cruel lie): FRINGE GOT RENEWED FOR S4. FOR A FULL 22 EPISODES.

...ow, even typing in caps is making my head hurt somehow. But never mind that, because my show OMG.

I'm afraid to watch shows while they're still on the air because my love kills them. I am Toshiko Sato for network TV. I almost cried when Fringe got moved to the Friday night death slot because surely this was all my fault, and I've been bracing myself for horrible news for months now, but somehow FOX made the right decision and it survived. THERE ARE NOT WORDS FOR HOW HAPPY I AM RIGHT NOW.

...ow.

*For those of you who have never read Feed, shame on you Georgia Mason wears sunglasses all the time because she has the zombie virus in her eyes. And that is how I feel right now. Like there are zombies in my eyes. And possibly my brain.

...it's not as fun as it sounds.
allfireburns: Olivia Dunham in glasses, looking thoughtful. (questions of science and progress)
...I needed some icons for my Olivia journal. And then... uh... I got carried away. I JUST REALLY LIKE THIS EPISODE, OKAY? ...now watch me do this with the rest of S3. :|

[118] Olivia
[92] Peter
[3] Olivia and Peter
[213] total

'You'd think that someone who was working that hard at being okay would get some sort of payoff.' 'Well, it doesn't always work like that.' )
allfireburns: Eleven with his hands over his mouth. (horrified glee)
I was going to sleep for another hour. But apparently I was awake enough that I started wondering (I do not know how or why) about emergency rooms in Newsflesh verse. Which then led to wondering how the fuck or even IF they do surgery and deep concern about whether organ transplants were even possible or if that would be about as safe as putting a ticking bomb in someone's chest, and then I couldn't get back to sleep anymore. WHAT THE FUCK, MY BRAIN.

...sadly, this isn't actually the first time Kellis-Amberlee has kept me awake like this. I think the last time involved worrying about zombie whales...
allfireburns: Apocalyptic city skyline. Text: "Oh, there was an apocalypse? We thought it was just Thursday." (thought it was just Thursday)
Oh my god, tonight sucks already and I just woke up.

It apparently started sleeting while I slept, and all my joints hurt (especially my elbows, for some reason), so I really don't want to get out of bed any more than I have to. And I can't stop sneezing, and I'm nearly out of coffee. And I had really unpleasant dreams about serial killers (which... I suppose is what happens when you fall asleep with Sherlock on a loop in the background, but... shut up, it seemed like a good idea at the time), and Beka isn't coming home tonight because the sleet made the buses not run. Awesome.

PLEASE TO SHOVE HAPPY THINGS AT ME, WORLD? ANYTHING AT ALL? Or leave love on my thread at [livejournal.com profile] rplovelovememe? Or at least... let me know some of you are having a better day than I am. That would help too.
allfireburns: Castle and Beckett, tilting their heads to the side. (*head...tilt?*)
List fifteen of your favorite characters from different fandoms, and ask people to spot patterns in your choices, if they're so inclined.

Alphabetical by fandom, because I am neurotic:
Buffy Summers (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)
Michael Westen (Burn Notice)
Kate Beckett (Castle)
Emily Prentiss (Criminal Minds)
Karrin Murphy (The Dresden Files)
The Tenth Doctor (Doctor Who)
Claire Saunders (Dollhouse)
Malcolm Reynolds (Firefly)
Olivia Dunham (Fringe)
Kerowyn (Heralds of Valdemar)
Sam Tyler (Life on Mars)
Kellis-Amberlee Georgia Mason (Newsflesh)
Toby Daye (Toby Daye... series?)
Gwen Cooper (Torchwood)
Diana Barrigan (White Collar)


...there are a couple outliers, but my type literally could not be more obvious if I tried. (And the Doctor Who one was picked mostly at random - you can replace Ten with Martha or River, if you like, because I love them all equally.)

I think the biggest thing it's pointing to is that the only thing stopping me from going into law enforcement is my body repeatedly failing me, but if anyone would like to point out anything else, feel free. XD
allfireburns: Topher and Claire, sitting on the floor of his room. (just someone who looks like me)
In the hotel. Thinking about having a nap. Or a long bath. Or just curling up and crying for a while, because I am tired and in pain and OH GOD EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS EXPEDITION HAS SUCKED.

Someone please remind me of this the next time my dad asks me on a trip so I can say no. Because this always happens, and this time I'm not even in my city to make everything suck less. And I can't get a hold of Beka.

*Cranky flop*
allfireburns: River and Amy, smirking over their shoulders. (follow me through all the ports of call)
I'm at the airport. Haven't gone through security yet, because I have an outlet and a comfy chair here, and neither of those things seem to exist on the other side of security. I have an hour and change until my flight, and no one is awake on the internet to keep me entertained. And also, there are no tags in my inbox. You should all be ashamed of yourselves.

Today is one of those days I just... can't be myself out in the world. I have a lot of those when I actually have to interact with humans who aren't my people. Luckily for me, I never grew out of some things, so pretending to be someone else works just fine for me.

The Doctor is my favorite, especially when I'm travelling, for obvious reasons. I keep a sonic screwdriver in my bag as a matter of course. But being the Doctor requires a lot of energy I so don't have right now - on top of which, those trainers and airport security do not mix well. I'm just saying.

Harry Dresden is a good backup, and another one of my favorites lately - although I always end up annoyed by how short I am then. His pentacle's also in my bag right now, just in case I need something to throw at werewolves, but being Harry also requires something I can't find right now. There's this sort of bone-deep, unconscious confidence that he can handle anything the universe throws at him, and that's just not coming this morning.

So I'm Emily Prentiss today. She doesn't have that energy, or that confidence, but she's good enough at faking both that sometimes she can even fool herself. Her costume's simpler and a lot less obvious than the boys' - no trainers or talismans or trenchcoats, nothing I don't wear anyway when I'm being myself. In a lot of ways, she is me, just an extrovert where I'm the furthest thing from it, but shrugging Emily on like a coat is what it took to get me out of the house today.

I probably won't be myself for the rest of this trip, either. It's exhausting, even - sometimes especially - with my family. Pulling on someone else means I get to keep pieces of myself to myself, and I much prefer it that way.

And now that you're all thinking I'm a complete loser, and I've wasted an hour or so writing this post and screwing around on the internet, I think I'm going to head through security now. I'll do myself to let you all know I'm alive when I get to DC. &heart;
allfireburns: Apocalyptic city skyline. Text: "Oh, there was an apocalypse? We thought it was just Thursday." (thought it was just Thursday)
ARGH.

Earlier this month, I agreed to go see my dad in DC while he's on leave. And forgot about it. And forgot to mention it to Beka.

I HAVE TO BE AT THE AIRPORT AT 4 AM TOMORROW. I AM UNPREPARED FOR THIS.

Not... packing-wise, though that's also true - it's an easier problem to fix, because I can pack in about five minutes. I just haven't psyched myself up for the whole... travel thing yet.

IT'S A LOT HARDER WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE A PHONE OR CASH AND KNOW THAT IF YOU MISS A FLIGHT OR CAN'T FIND A CAB YOU ARE SCREWED. dflkjdflj
allfireburns: Eleven, River and Amy on the Byzantium. With a comfy chair. (we've got comfy chairs)
Happy new year, everyone!

Normally I post my word count for the year around now, but Iiii really don't want to talk about that. Let's just say... abysmal? Seriously, it's deeply depressing if I let myself think too much about it, so I am just going to... not do that.

Happy things? I signed up for [livejournal.com profile] getyourwordsout, so that will hopefully be helpful getting me... back to somewhere that feels more normal for me. And [livejournal.com profile] jaeled has issued a challenge to enter writing contests with her, and I am pretty much incapable of saying no to a direct challenge. Or to Jae.

ALSO, now that Yuletide fics are no longer anonymous, I can link to mine! (I'll post it on my writing journals properly another time. When I don't have so many things on my damn to do list.)

I wrote a Dresden Files/Sparrow Hill Road crossover for [personal profile] ordinarygirl. Could've been a lot better, as A) I am out of practice, and B) I was writing up to (and past) the deadline and so had no time to revise, but I still like it a lot.

...plus, now I can justify writing a second one once Ghost Story is out. You have no idea how excited I am for that.

NOW, I need to go... finish off the last few items on my to do list. So I can get to work on the second one. YES, I HAVE MULTIPLE LISTS AT ONCE. WHAT.
allfireburns: River and Amy, smirking over their shoulders. (follow me through all the ports of call)
Dear Yuletide Author:

You get a gold star already just for offering to write one of these fandoms. You already have my love and adoration. All of the optional details are just that - completely optional. No matter what you write, I will love it. I am really, really easy to please when it comes to fic written for me.

Generally speaking, I like teams and chosen families, and snark and banter. I love angst, but it's not required at all - happy fic is fine too, and humor (gallows or otherwise) is good no matter what is actually happening in the fic. "Casefic" (for whatever value of "case" a given fandom might imply) is always good - I'm very fond of apocalypses, people killin' monsters/zombies/whatever, and really cool/unique applications of magic and/or science. Holiday fic is always a happy thing, as is general winter fic - winter is a magical thing for me and I love it no matter what. Not so big a fan of porn; I have no moral opposition to it or anything, it's just not my fannish happy place.

Newsflesh - Mira Grant )

Toby Daye - Seanan McGuire )

The Dresden Files - Jim Butcher )

Sparrow Hill Road - Seanan McGuire )
allfireburns: Castle and Beckett, tilting their heads to the side. (*head...tilt?*)
I am somewhat blah on the subject of Christmas right now. It's not a bad blah, really. It's a neutral blah. I am just not sold on the existence of Christmas this year. (I might want to experiment with Christmas lights next year. The colored kind. I honestly think that might be my problem.)

The possibly imaginary holiday did bring me wonderful things, though. Like an awesome mix-and-fic from Jae. And MORE ICONS FOR EMILY from Chris. And some books and a pentacle from Beka. (The pentacle is actually for one of my headvoices, not me, but I still love it a lot. NO POINTS FOR GUESSING WHICH HEADVOICE.) And I have three Yuletide fics sitting in the archive waiting for me to be able to read them, so that's exciting too.

SPEAKING OF WHICH. YULETIDE. I FINISHED A STORY FOR IT TO MAKE UP FOR MY FAILURE AT WRITING MY ACTUAL ASSIGNMENT.

...you guys, it is longer than anything else I have written this year (assuming we count chapters of On a Saturday seperately instead of together). I am so proud of me. I still don't know if I love the fic like kittens or want to set it on fire, but it's done and that is a wonderful thing all by itself.
allfireburns: Jo Harvelle, playing with a knife. Dean in the background. (and fuck you too. :))
Ever have that feeling like Something is Wrong in the Universe, but you don't know what it is or how to fix it? That's about where I am right now.

Usually it freaks me out, but right now it's just making me want to punch something. *Grumblesulk*
allfireburns: Epitaph!Whiskey with blood on her hands. (heart in concert with the mind)
This post is just going to be a succession of unconnected... things, because I cannot be bothered to make it coherent. Deal with it. :|

1) I had to default on Yuletide. This annoys me, but I had nothing written and no ideas, and even if I had somehow managed to whip out something before the deadline, it would likely only be disappointing to the recipient, which I did not want. I'm hoping I'll be able to write some treats for people or something to make myself feel better. There are some fandoms I am dying to write in, so hopefully something will click.

2) I've been canon reviewing for [livejournal.com profile] w_for_wizard for months now. Because I'm dumb and keep picking up book characters (...okay, two). And because I keep trying to read, like, four books at once, this canon review is moving along more slowly than some glaciers. But I finished reading Fool Moon yesterday. And typed up my notes... which turned out to be three times longer than my notes for SF. The rest of this canon review is going to be fun. (The idea is that if I take enough notes, when I'm done I will only have to drag out the books when I need to remember a specific line or description or something. Chances this theory is true: slim to none.)

More TDF rambling under the cut - mention of That Spoiler for Changes )

Anyway. I really need to speed up my canon review if I want to be done by the time Ghost Story is out. Which... would be really, really nice, but doesn't seem too likely at this point.

3) SO I AM HAVING THIS PROBLEM WITH RP. ...before anyone freaks out, it isn't with a specific game or person. It's more a general sort of thing that is bothering me, possibly because I am just neurotic and worry about these things way more than I really should.

ANOTHER CUT. This one just in case you don't care about my RP flailing. )

4) Possible Christmas party with Beka tomorrow. (Uh. Later today, actually, at this point.) I might have to be sociable. With people. Out in the world. Oh god I might die.

...I mean. Getting out of the house is awesome and all, but OH GOD PEOPLE. STRANGERS, EVEN. I AM NEVER GOOD AT THAT SORT OF THING. *Hides forever* ...and I should probably go to bed right fucking now if I want to get anything done before I have to go out in the world. Crap.
allfireburns: Apocalyptic city skyline. Text: "Oh, there was an apocalypse? We thought it was just Thursday." (thought it was just Thursday)
MY LAPTOP SCREEN IS FLICKERING WEIRD COLORS AND IT'S FREAKING ME OUT. It's not... like... constant, and it goes away if I move the screen, for some reason, but I am still trying not to have a panic attack over it, because lakfjdklfjd MY FUCKING LAPTOP. If it has a total meltdown or something, I will not be able to get a new one.

At least I backed up my music and writing and shit on the external not that long ago, so I'm not as freaked out as I could be. It is still distressing, and it's making everything else in the world way more stressful than it has to be - when I reach a certain level of stress, suddenly everything is the end of the world. EVERYTHING.

THERE ARE FIVE TAGS IN MY INBOX AND I WILL NEVER CLIMB OUT.

I HAVE AN IMPENDING DEADLINE FOR YULETIDE AND NOTHING WRITTEN, AND I SUCK AT WRITING ANYWAY AND I AM GOING TO DIE A MISERABLE FAILURE.

MY HANDS HURT BECAUSE THEY'RE DRY, BUT HAVING LOTION ON MY SKIN MAKES ME WANT TO WIPE THEM OFF ON EVERY SURFACE I CAN REACH AND MAKE THIS WEIRD HIGH-PITCHED KEENING NOISE LIKE I'M IN PAIN.

...okay, that part I do regardless of whether I am overstressed. I just really hate stuff on my hands.

I realize that all of these reactions are totally irrational. Intellectually, I'm fine. But I'm still getting all the emotional overload, complete with my heart freaking out and randomly wanting to cry over the stupidest things, and it makes it really hard to get anything done.

Good news: The snow melted yesterday, but it's coming back now. Which is a relief, because winter cold without snow is just depressing.

Also good news: I finally managed to figure out (some of) the plot of the angel series. Weirdly, it was while I was trying to work out the fairy book, which has nothing at all to do with the angel series. Or angels at all, except in that one... exists, largely off-screen. And now I think I need to rewrite half my background info on angels and demons. Awesome. :|
allfireburns: Apocalyptic city skyline. Text: "Oh, there was an apocalypse? We thought it was just Thursday." (thought it was just Thursday)
WHY IS THE WORLD SO COLD? ...the strange thing is that I was fine for the past week when it was actually snowing. Constantly. But today the sun was up, and now I feel like it's so cold I might die. This does not make sense.

...and as I was typing this, I looked up and realized the window was slightly open. That explains a lot. And then I had to spend several minutes with my hands going numb peeling this weird sticky foam out of the window so it would actually latch when I closed it again. At least now the heat will hopefully remain inside the house...

I have not started my Yuletide story. I don't know what I'm doing for my Yuletide story. There's actually nothing wrong with the fandom or the assignment, it's just... almost too easy for me? I can't really say any more without giving serious hints about what fandom it is, but I am mostly annoyed at myself right now.

Canon reviewing right now to see if something will hit me, and desperately hoping I don't end up writing straight up to the deadline (though it's not out of the realm of possibility).

...man, this post is whiny. I just don't think I have anything else right now. Uh... Have a picture of Michaelcat forcing his love on a very uncomfortable boppy. (He thinks they're cuddlebuddies now. Ace disagrees.)